Anyway, inertia. Over the last couple of weeks, things have been getting harder and harder, and by "things" I mean life. My depression has been getting worse as have my autoimmune symptoms, and getting out of bed every day was becoming more and more of a challenge. I alternately just didn't see the point of getting out of bed, and even if I knew I had to get out of bed, I was so overwhelmed by the entire process of waking up, getting dressed, and functioning in the world that I just laid there, paralyzed with fear. Fear of what? Who knows. That's the kicker about Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. It doesn't have to be fear or dread of anything specific. It's just life.
As you can probably imagine, this isn't fun. As if med school wasn't difficult enough, imagine trying to do it when you feel like you're wading through The Swamp of Sadness. (Name that reference and get 10 points.) Case in point? It's taken me three days to write this blog post because I've been salvaging all of the energy I have to get dressed, shower, and study, and even accomplishing those things were debatable. I saw a new psychiatrist on Friday and she was wonderful. She increased my SSRI, which hopefully will help some of this swampy sadness abate, and I'm also still seeing my therapist. I'm also convinced that once Mercury turns anterograde, life will get easier. Only 10 days to go.
So what else is going on? It's Wednesday, which means it's Hump Day Confessions with Kathy, and since the rest of my brain is completely consumed with the above nonsense and/or biochem, I figure that we might as well go with something easy, like confessing stupid things on the internet. I already confessed that I'm having this inertial issue, so let's get to some lighter stuff.
... I am woefully behind in my studying. I am almost caught up with biochem, but virology, bacteriology, and histo are a mess right now.
.... I am also woefully behind in my TV-watching. This is almost as upsetting (perhaps more upsetting?) than the fact that I am behind in my studying.
... The phrase "sex pilus" will always make me laugh, even though I know it's about bacteria and I am not 12.
... I'm going to be learning cervical HVLA (translation: cracking people's necks) next week in Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine lab, and I'm moderately terrified that I will hurt someone. Or that someone will hurt me. Guess we'll see? If I die, at least I don't have to take the exam next Friday?
... I smacked myself in the forehead... with a hot curling iron. I win at being a spaz.
... I am basically a terrible friend right now because all I do is study, sleep, complain about studying, and complain about how I want more sleep. Sorry, guys. Check back on December 19th when the semester ends.
... I hate the term "leaf peeping". Just... stop. Who invented that nonsense, and can I make it go away?
... I had delusions of going to Pure Barre classes before my afternoon med school classes. See also: Inertial issue.
... I totally suck at #Blogtober14, but today's prompt is a favorite quote, which is easy. Well, I have a lot of favorite quotes, so it's not easy per se because I have so many favorites... but it's not a complicated thing to write about. Some of my favorites are:
As for me, I'm going to go cram more biochem into my addled brain until the Emergency Med resident case study at 12 (free food!) and then this afternoon, I'll be listening to a total stranger's heart and lungs.
Med school is weird, man.